Monthly Archives: June 2011

What are words

A couple of days ago a friend of mine introduced me to the song written and performed by Chris Medina. You might have heard it before, “What are words”. The story behind the song is that only two months before Chris’ and his girlfriend’s wedding, she was in a car accident, and currently suffers from a braininjury. He wrote this song to her to prove that the vows he was preparing, but didn’t tell her (yet), was for real, and that the words “in sickness and in health” are words he meant, until death will do them apart.

What are words
If you really don’t mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they’re only for good times
Then they don’t
When it’s love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we’re gone

I can’t help to play the song over and over again. Such a simple song, yet it touches me. For the very reason that this man didn’t say the words out loud in church on his weddingday, but this was what he felt in his heart towards his beloved chosen one. I believe that (especially in my corner of the world) people tend to forget what they once promised their loved one, way too easy. Have people given up on real, true love? Is there such a feeling anymore? Where did romance go? Is it only what you can get after paying $20 for watching a 2h long (short) romantic typical Hollywood movie? Where two people randomly fall in love, then something happens (he is already (or soon to be) married, she’s about to move to the other side of the world, or she is deathly ill) but in the end they find a way to be together (or she actually dies).

Is romance, love and passion nowadays only commercial? Is it something we fake for a while, when we need it the most, when we need someone to appreciate us, listen to us and hold us tight when we are scared (to be alone). Is it possible to find a love that is so strong that it will help two people to live together through difficult times, sickness, accidents and grey days?

Are you in love now?

People sign up on datingsites to find their “true love”, paying loads of money to get a datingcoach in order to find someone compatible to spend the rest of their life with (okey, so maybe just SOME time… not a lifetime. I mean, i.e. seven months is a long time, right?) Is it possible that there is one, and only one, person in this world that you are meant to be with?
First of all, we have to decide whether or not we believe in destiny. Are certain things already destined to be or not to be, regardless if you like it or not?
And then we can decide if we believe in “one perfectly fitted person just for you”.

I had an interesting discussion about “the one” with a another friend of mine the other week. He said that there is not just one person that could be “the one” for you. It is about finding someone that you are 1) attracted to, 2) has the same or very similar values in life as you have and 3) (maybe one of the most important points) timing.

Once these all are checked you are ready to go. Now, you can begin to build a stabil and forever-and-ever-lasting relationship. With all the effort, time and emotions you both bring into your relationship, this will make the two of you become “the one” for eachother. And the whole idea that there already is someone that is by nature “the one” for you is simply rubbish. For the record, we’ve all heard/read/experienced the “growing apart” situation, so… no, even if there is someone being “the one” for you, it does not mean that he or she will be “the one” for you for the rest of your life. For a relationship to last, you (both of you, or however many you all choose to be?) need to work on it, make active efforts.

So, I am about to finish my wanna-be-Dr-Phil-session for this time, and heading out on the balcony. It’s a warm summerevening in my part of the world, and want to enjoy it before the winter comes back. And it always does. Way to soon. Crap.

Wrapping this post up, I hope that it got you thinking as it made me think, it even gave me hope that everyone will find love, or atleast get the opportunity, more than once in life, to find love. And if you play your cards right, it will be forever lasting, just as in the Hollywood movie. Lasting longer than 2h. So, store up with popcorn.

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My Heart Will Go On

Probably all of you have seen the movie Titanic, or atleast heard the theme “My heart will go on”. I’m sitting at home, alone. Outside my windows the rain is pooring down and I could not ask for a better friday. Danceclasses ended for the semester this morning, and it was absolutely awesome! I miss it already. But not until the first of August will I have another dance-class.

Listening to the lyrics filling out my entire apartment I come to think of my beloved grandmother who passed away in 2006. Unfortunatelly I was really ill at the time so I could not attend the funeral. I’ve only been to one funeral in my life, that was back in year 2000, my grandfather. I remember his kind face when smiling, it gets to me every time I think about it. My grandfather was a great man. He liked peace and quite around him, and even though I don’t recall ever playing with him, I have an image in the back of my head where we are talking a walk on some cornfield not far from where grandmother and grandfather lived. I was very young at the time, and it’s more a blur and a feeling than a clear memory. But what I remember the most is the connection I had with my grandfather. We were born on the same day. And even though we only had one single occasion of actually celebrating it together, I felt that we were connected more than he was connected with my brothers. My grandfather passed away when I was only 12 years old, and when he passed away, he had two pictures in his shirtpocket. Pictures of my younger brother and myself. It might be a silly imagination, but I believe that I might have been one of the last things on his mind when he closed his eyes for the last time. I wish that I could spend another day with my grandfather.
One night when I was going to bed my grandfather told me the story of his family, of our family. I couldn’t fall asleep since I was so fascinated by all the people, all the stories, all the names and situations… There it was, a piece of my background being told to me, and I loved every single part of it.

It’s funny how you seldom appreciate what you’ve got until you lose it. I miss my grandparents, very much. The other day my brother was walking to his office and told me later that day that at some point, in the city, he passed a place where it smelled just like grandmothers garden did, and it sure was a specific smell in that garden. There were vegetables and flowers, plums and cherries everywhere. Oh how I loved walking around there as a young child. Picking sweet cherries directly from the trees and eating them, always getting some stain on my dress (sorry mother), but it was just the way a childhood should be like. Peaceful, joyful and surrounded with love. That is also how I remember my grandparents, they were a peaceful couple, I can still see their smiling faces when I close my eyes, and the sure gave me a lot of love. I miss them so much.

I believe they are together with the angels now. May their souls rest in peace.

As for the song, “My heart will go on”, when I got confirmed in the church years ago, I had the option of choosing a name for myself, to be added in the churches register, so I chose my grandmothers name. I remember sitting at the balcony the night before the confirmation telling my grandmother that I had chosen her name. We cried together on the phone. It was beautiful. It was love. And her name lives on through me, just like her heart does.

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Filed under Family, Love

New faces, new places

So, today I met a new person. We decided to take a walk. Without any concrete destination we simply walked to get lost, just to have time to get to know eachother, and so we did. I am a person who really enjoys getting to know new people. I was once told that I have the ability to make people comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations. As you might have experienced once or twice, when you hang out with a (new) person there’s always “the awkward silence”, a second of silence that is just a little too long and it suddenly becomes awkward.

Well guess what, there was not a single awkward moment throughout the two hours we walked. We had so much to talk about, music, sports, politics, traveldestiantions, americans, Google… you name it, we talked about it. For some reason I believe that strangers are future friends. Think about it. Your best friend was once a stranger to you. All your friends were once upon a time introduced to you, or however you once met, there was always a first “Hello!”.

Years ago someone told me that “you can have too many friends”, and I have been giving that statement some thought lately. Is it really so, that one can have too many friends in life? Maybe this person doesn’t have enought time to hang out with all these people he or she calls “friends”, but in general I disagree to that statement. I have never felt that I have too many friends in my life. Then again, I believe that I have some close friends and even more acquaintances. Maybe one shouldn’t categorize people like that, but I do. Because I know who are my closest friends, and for sure, there are not too many!

They are like the family I have choosen myself. To share my secrets with and the once I choose to open up, poor my heart to. These are the people that I trust and rely on. Closest friends that I am not afraid to come to, when I have a bad day or am in a bad mood. They are the onces that take care of me when I can’t take care of myself. I know that they know more about me than my own mother does.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, and she knows me very well, but there are some souls in this world, that know me even better than she does. That can tell how I am doing by simply listening to the tone of my voice through the phone, that simply knows how I am changing subjects when I feel uncomfortable in a discussion. These are the people that read me like an open book and we speak without words. I love them all, very much. And when they are far away I miss them terribly.

So, back to getting to know new people, who knows what wonderful memories you can create with this new person you just got to know? Earlier this year I had the priviledge to get to know over 200 new faces from all around the world. A wonderful experience and we share so many beautiful memories. That’s the beauty about people, the give eachother so much in terms of love, friendship and joy. And it’s all for free. Just like the song performed by Janet Jackson “The best things in life are free”. Now, that’s a statement I agree with. Definatelly!

The only sad part about this is that with every “Hello”, there is a “Goodbye”.

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Filed under Every day life, Friendship

Hello Sunshine!

What a beautiful day!

I woke up, way to early and went back to sleep. Figured that there is no point for me to get out that early (6.30am), so instead I ended up a little late for work. Now, the thing is, that there was no one at the office to notice it. So, no harm done. After getting started with the usual, coffee, checking all the social pages I could finally begin my actual work.

Thing is that, lately I’ve been in a sort of weird mood. Bad mood one might even say. The thought of almost being done with my bachelor degree freaks me out. Not knowing where I will be in life in less than half a year, and knowing even less about what I want to do with myself by then, I find a bit scary. I still believe that things happen for a reason, and I put trust and faith into life. I believe that no matter what happens, everything is going to be okey. Maybe I am not entirely entitled to say so, because truth be told, nothing really horrible has ever happend to me. But it’s the truth about how I feel. And sometimes I find it very comforting to have dear friends close to me, reminding me of the same thing that I remind them, to have faith in life. No matter what, things will work out perfectly fine. Don’t be in such a rush, enjoy the ride. For sure, I am perfectly aware of the fact that I am in a hurry in life, not paying enought attention to what is going on right here, right now. And countless times I’ve heard how we should appreciate the small things in life, and live in the moment… whatever!

Sure, life is not a destination but a journey. But what if you know what you want from life but you don’t know how to get to that point? “Just give it some time” I’ve been told. This is my normal reaction to that; “Well, listen up buddy, even time takes time!”. You see, I don’t feel like wasting my time on time. Does that even make sense?

Anyway, yes it is true, that when you are (too) focused you seem to be blind to all the wonderful things that are going on right here and right now, but let that be your own choice. Do you want to seize the day or do you believe that a person needs a plan for the future?

I haven’t decided what kind of person I want to be. Since, I know for sure that I am a person that likes to plan two or even twelve steps ahead. But it’s only for my own safety (defencemekanism). Like a cat I want to land on all my feet (two) in case I fall. But then again, life is for the brave ones.

And as for me, I will keep putting trust into life, that somehow I will be alright. No matter what I will do, or where I might be, I will have a smile on my face and enjoy my life. And I really wish that you will too.

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Filed under Encouragment

It’s a new day!

So, I made it to my danceclass yesterday. Had loads of fun together with the girls I dance with. My danceteacher however feels like he’s entitled to push me (for some reason only me) a little further than the others. Could he have noticed that I actually do know how to dance? (No affence to the others that I dance with, but hey… let’s be honest and state the obvious!)

Anyway, on my way home it rained and instead of taking the bus, I decided it was the perfect moment to take a walk in the rain. Plugged in music in my ears and enjoyed a walk home. Took me about 40 minutes since I stopped every now and then to work on the new choreography I danced the same evening. Streetdance is not as easy as it looks people. Especially when you’re pushing yourself for an hour.

Once I finally got home, I realized that life sure is great. I mean, I am fortunate to have a couple of adorable friends whom I could not do without. I rely on them, and the rely on me. We trust eachother, we comfort eachother, laught, cry, share secrets… you know, all those things that you do with a friend.

What really excites me is that my dear T is coming home from a semester abroad. T has been away for too long, and I cannot wait for us to meet again. It’s going to be the highlight of this week, maybe even this month.

Got a text late from Fiji. My Trouble Sister texted me. Come to think about it, it is funny how a person so far away geographically suddenly can feel so close to you, through a simple textmessage.

So, sitting at the office right now (don’t tell my boss) I think about what I am going to write in this blog, and truth be told, I could be sticking to one single theme, or subject, like “friendship”, or “love”, or “my life after SWY” (ship for world youth). But instead I find that, since it’s MY BLOG I can write about whatever I WANT. Feels good just saying it. So, here it goes. Like it or not. I don’t care.

I have been writing my fingers off since I was 12. I even keep all my old diaries and notebooks with thoughts, memories, poems, songs and all the other things that I have been writing. I figured that if someone ever needs an explanation to why I am like I am, and no shrink or any pills can do the trick, the answer has to be inside of the books. So, I kept them. Hiden and kept far away from daylight. And when the time comes, the world will know the deep secrets of the author.

Until then, this blog will do.

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Filed under Every day life

Hello world!

So, I finally signed up and created a blog. Now, I haven’t figured out what it’s going to be about, but for sure, this is going to be the place where my thoughts are going to be posted. As in, my ideas, plans, maybe even to-do lists for life. Memories and other thoughts that my fingers wants to put out pushing key after key on the keyboard infront of me.

Simple letters, randomly chosen create words that build sentences and creates some meaning to the one who writes and the one who reads. I find it fasacinating and hope that whatever I choose to put on this blog, will make you want to read more, to start question and to take action. Whatever it may be about.

But right now, I am going to be late for my danceclass.

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