Monthly Archives: August 2011

Nothing But a Number

What is age really? A number of years that grows with you, from one decade to another, that is somewhat a part of your identity. That defines you as a person – how many years you have been living on this planet that we call earth.

Someone asking your age is supposed to get the idea of how old you are, right? But is that really the case? Is age just a number? Does it say what you have been through in life? All the difficulties you have survived, or all the times you have been in trouble? Does your age define how you are as a person in any way?

What is age and why does it even matter?

If someone is older than you are, does that make him or her smarter or more experienced in any way? Other than the number of breaths you have taken in life, does your age say anything about where you are in life? Or where you are going? What music you listen to? What food you prefer? What you want to do before you die? Where you are going to be in five or ten years from now?
(In my case, I have never really felt like being the age my birth certificate says that I actually am. And also, I have always looked (physically) older than I really am. Or, at least that is what I have been told by others. So the idea of having age saying anything about me – or anyone else for that matter – is bullocks).

Age says absolutely nothing about you. Or about me. Now, then… why do we still get hooked up on ages?
Do you believe that it say something about you?
Do you get “a feeling” about someone by simply knowing their age?

Does it have to do with anything biological perhaps? Knowing someones age, we can tell how their body reacts in certain situations? (Let’s say that by the age of… I don ‘t really know, something over twenty-five, the probability of you breaking the femur increases by some percentages?) So, does age only matter for your doctor and medical journal?

Does age differences prevent you from becoming friends with someone who is a lot (whatever that is?) older than you are? Would it feel weird to “hang out” with someone older than you? If (s)he is not your relative, mentor or boss, or something similar, would you be uncomfortable sitting over coffee or a glass of wine (whatever you prefer) to have a chat, about music/cars/sports/movies… about life, simply.

Does an age difference prevent you from falling in love? Where does that limit go? And what if the person you are having feelings for is just one year older than your mind has set the age difference-limit to be? Are you suppose to give up on a relationship or friendship just because of a number?

There is a lot of talk nowadays about respect and tolerance among people, for one another. Accepting differences such as cultures, background, ethnicities and so forth. Does that also go over generations? Are we respecting and tolerating elderly people just like we are taught to tolerate people with different nationalities than our own? Do we look at older people (or younger for that matter) as UFO:s that don’t understand our own way of living? Because they were born in a different time and place?

Some (maybe most?) of the people in my life that have ment the most to me, are older than I am. And no matter their age, I always have a really good time when being with them. They have taught me things about life, shared their experiences about life, and so have I done. Shared my experiences from life. Since we all live our lives differently, we can always learn something from another person. No matter the age.

So, is age just a number?

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Filed under Every day life, Uncategorized

The X-files

So, about ex-partners… why is it difficult to really cut with them? I mean, for all the obvious reasons (the two of you are no longer a couple, for starters…) there’s still something that makes it difficult to really stop writing/texting/phoning/thinking/spying online… on your ex (not saying that I have ever done that… but I might have. Once. Or twice)

But why do we not want to put away the X-files for good? (Or maybe we want to but just don’t know how?)

For sure, I do believe that we (human beings, to clear that out) have a tendency to choose something safe before something adventurous. We rather be “safe than sorry”. When it comes to life in general, and in our private life particularly. (I once heard that swedes are known for their famous doubting, and simply not picking any side, or taking any decision until they know what side is the winning one) And so here we are then, not choosing anything, since we want to keep all doors (and windows as well as loopholes) open, just in case “you never know”… well, for sure you don’t know! If you don’t make a choice, then nothing will happen, will it? Do you belive that things will simply clear out by themselves? Are you waiting for someone else to take that decision for you?

But when it comes to ex:es… there was once something keeping the two of you together. Something that made this person a little more important and a little more special than everyone else in this world. Someone that was attached to you… to your heart.
For that simple (not all that simply, is it?) reason, this person from the past, is still really in your present. And you might not know what you are supposed to do with the situation. How to deal with it?

Is it difficult because you are letting go of a dream? A fantasy for life? How your life might turn out to be if you were still together with this person? Question is, do we really let go of that dream? Or do we just modify the dream a little? (Swap a character here, swop a scenario there…) But all in all, the dream is still very up-to-date?

Are we just frightened to become alone and therefore wish not to cut it with an ex? Since, there was once something that the two of you shared. Something great and wonderful. Something called love? Walking down that Memory Lane can really make you go all nostalgic and sentimental. You keep comparing everyone else to that person, that was once your partner, someone who you had chosen, and that had chosen you back.

But aren’t we forgetting something here? That between all of the memories and feelings that the two of you shared… there must have been a reason for why the two of you broke up, right?

Why not cut the past and move on into the future without the X-file? Is it even possible? Why are so afraid of closing doors? Those doors.

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Filed under Love, Unknown future

What is Love


Falling in love.

Being in love.

Falling out of love.


Is there a thing called everlasting love? Is it possible to love someone from the very first moment you meet? I don’t really believe in love at first sight, although I do believe in lust at first sight. Attraction, sure. Love, no. Love needs more than what the eyes can see.

If you once loved someone, and then fell out of love. Where does that feeling go? Is love some kind of energy? Because I recall learning that energy never goes away, it simply transforms into another shape. So, where does it go, once it’s not in the shape of love any longer.

What makes us fall in love with another person? What makes us feel those butterflies inside? Makes us smile on the very thought of that person? Longing to be close to him or her?

And if you loved one person before, and now love someone else, is that the same love? Is it the same energy of love you once had for your ex, that simply passes on to that other (new) person to be attached to?

There’s so much talk about love, that one might believe that it’s the meaning of life. All the lyrics, all the books on “how to fall in love”, all the “1001 definitions of love”, and how amazing it is to be loved. I cannot more than agree, it is a wonderful feeling. But is it the meaning of live? To fall in love? To be in love? Do we all seek a partner for life? Or just for the moment?

Why is it so important to find someone special, if you already surround yourself with great friends that you can talk to, share secrets with, cry on their shoulders when being sad, get comfort and support from, a hug once needed…

I cannot stop counting all friends who are stressing themselves out find a man or woman to love. Or more accurately, to love them back. It’s not necessarily to create a family, but maybe it’s simply a way to feel appreciated as a woman? As a man? Or as a human being? If you are not in a relationship, are you not a complete person then? Why do women (and men) seek for a relationship just for the sake of being in one? Do we not appreciate ourselves enough? Or are we not appreciated from our friends and family enough that we need someone closer than that?

Is it true that women define their success through their relationships and men through their careers? Is it a fact that if you don’t have a special someone, you are not a complete person? Are we not complete as individuals?

I somewhat let these questions spin around in my head from time to time, especially when walking around in a park, or in town late evenings, when you all you can see are couples sitting on a bench, holding hands, squeezing  under a blanket a café… all in pairs. Do we all come in pairs? Are we suppose to find our second half on our journey through life? Are we not a complete person just the way we were born?
Do we need someone to acknowledge our life? Is that what it’s all about? Someone to see us? Are we that self-centered that we only care for ourselves and wishing for someone to see what is important to us… meaning, ourselves?

Whatever the meaning of life… or the meaning of love. I feel that I am able to feel complete as a person – without someone to hold my hand. This is the way I was born. One body. One soul. This whole talk about finding your soul mate, I do not really buy into that… I mean, why would someone not be able to find balance and harmony in life without a ring on their finger or sharing bed with someone?

What is love? And why is it that so many are seeking for it. Desperately.

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Filed under Love

All The Same

Life has finally begun to slow down for me. All the deadlines that I have been working on since march are now finally over, handed in, completed, finito, done, ended! And I have my life back. Well, almost.

Because of the busy schedule last week I didn’t even have time to check my private e-mails, not to even mention my dance-classes. (It’s crazy how much time I spend in a dance-studio nowadays, and I do love it. A lot!)

But regarding my last week, during all the events that I attended (since those were the projects I had been working on) I met great people. Great in the sence that their names are very well-known world-wide. A member from the Swedish Royal Family, a minister, known names from the industry, politicians… the list is long. What makes me so fascinated is how “normal”, mortal people suddenly change their behaviour when there’s a celebrity nearby. As if the celebrity had a glowing aura that almost hurts your eyes to look at, and you are hardly able to catch your breath, just because it’s someone famous passing you by. Or as if there was a giraffe in the room, and you simply HAVE to stop and stare at him or her, because they are just SO (!) (do you sence the irony here?) different from all the others?

I am sorry if I am offending anyone by writing this, but I have to admit that I am not impressed by all the titles or fame that is surrounded by all the celebrities.

To explain it all, I have to go back a couple (maybe seven?) years in my life. When I first (from what I can remember) had the opportunity to meet famous people, that had paparazzi hanging over their shoulders 24/7, and  yes, at that time I also was fascinated by their personalities. Everyone knew who they were and everyone were talking about them. They were “someone” in this world – They  made it.

Anyway, what I have realized during my life, now that I have gotten to know celebrities, whether they are actors, politicians, musicians, artists, authors, CEOs… they are just people. Just like you and just me. They too need to eat, they care about their looks, they have health-issues, they need to pay taxes, stop at a red-light and yes, they do need to sleep. What makes them so different from the crowd, really? What makes them stand out from the mass?

What really hit me was when I first came across the diplomatic service. Gosh, I have been so fascinated with ambassadors and the diplomatic service for years and years now. I cannot explain why, or how come. No one in my family has ever worked as a diplomat and I do not know any diplomats that are friends of the family. (I have been fortune to have met and gotten to know great (as in awesome!) diplomats during the last couple of years, so now I can say that I do have some of them in my life, but before that… I have no idea where my fascination over diplomacy comes from).
So, every time I pass by an embassy or a CD-registered car, I have a smile on my face, for some strange reason. And I cannot control it. I simply do that. As an automatic response to what I see, as if the embassy itself was sending some kind of signal for me to react to. And I do. With a smile.

But what I want to tell you, is that once I got to know the ambassadors, the CEOs, the ministers, and I talked to them, I realized that they were no different from me. When I was in the stage of my life where I was questioning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to become (don’t get me wrong, I am still in the making of creating my own identity, but that’s another post). I was fortunate to have met the people who I met at that time. Because that’s when I was confused about my own person. All the BIG questions where in front of me, and I put a pressure on my self to be able to answer them, now (Remember one of my earlier posts, where I wrote that I lack the patience-skill? This is another proof that this is really the case. I don’t want to wait for “time to tell me” who I am, I want to know now. Right now!) So anyway, the people who I met, told me just that. When they were at my age, they were just as confused (if not more) as I was at the time. They did not know that they were going to become the Head of the Government or the Head of a National Bank, or even the CEO for a global multibillion company. They had no idea, and were looking for answers and trying to “find themselves” in the confusing and stressed out society that we all live in.

What they all had in common was the advice that they gave me, what I want to share with you here;

Enjoy the ride, make conscious decisions and believe in your own strengths.

It was somewhere here (or there?) that I realized that these people, whose names are on the billboards, in the newspapers, on TV or radio, they are mortals just like you and me. No different really. They too had doubts about who they were and what they wanted to do with their lives. And no matter how dull, boring and simply “normal” this may seem to you (I don’t know what you were expecting?) knowing that these celebrities doubted themselves, were insecure and filled with questions about their identities and “mission in life”, it made me really happy and gave me comfort in my own search for my mission in life.

So now, whenever I meet a celebrity, I don’t get all excited about it, like others might do. Such as members of a fan club or similar. For I believe that there is nothing extraordinary with that person, or put it in a nother way. Yes, (s)he might have accomplish something incredible and for that I applaud that person, but I see no reason for why I should treat this person with any more respect than my next-door neighbour.

And this is exactly what I want to point out in this post, that we are all special. We are all extraordinary. Just because your name is not mentioned in the newspaper, does not make you less important or less awesome. All the BIG names out there in the press, behind the headlines are simple people, really. Who have their doubts about life, about themselves, with problems of their own. So, remember this when you question yourself and if you ever come up with the silly idea of comparing yourself to some celebrity. (Don’t do that!)

We are all the same. Just in different ways.

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Filed under Encouragment

All Your Attention

So,  it’s been a while since I last posted anything on this blog. And frankly, the truth is that I haven’t had the time to sit down and simply think about what is going on in my life… for the simple reason that I have been spending time on listening to the lives of others. And it’s about now, that I have reached a point where I feel overloaded. The battery is discharged and I have no energy left for anything. Not for my family. Not for my friends. And definitely not for myself. On top of that I am not tough (or brave?) enough to put my foot down and just say “NO!”

“Don’t call me with your problems, just deal with them. Stop complaining about… Everything! For heavens sake, there is always a way. If there is a will. But don’t come to me thinking that I will handle your problems for you! I have got my own life to deal with.” Difference between you and me is that I feel bashful coming over with my problems to you, even though we are friends or family. I don’t want to bother others with my stuff, for I know that I am the one to handle them. No one else. And I may mention that there’s “a lot going on right now”, but I know that you’ve got your things going on, so there’s really no point in me overloading you with my issues, right?

I am a person that rarely let’s anyone in on the private side of life. It’s private, and I don’t feel like I need to tell everyone all about it. In details. (I know, you might be thinking that “Dude, you’re writing about your life online, on this very blog”. But trust me, my closest friends feel as if this blog is waaay to censored to be called a blog about my life). I know it’s just a defense mechanism since I am scared that the information might be used against me. (Been there, done that… and yes, got the T-shirt) So, it does take some time to let anyone in under my skin, in to my life for real.

Anyway, I found that I haven’t been giving myself time lately, therefore I feel lost. And when there is no one that shows that they care, it feels even worse. Since, I give my full attention and don’t get much (anything?) back…

This is what I know that I need to work on in my life. Saying “no” to people around me. In work-related situations, friends, family, school… in life. But when you have been there for people before, you don’t want to make them disappointed and say “hey, listen up dude! I don’t have time/I don’t care/ I’ve got my own sh!t to deal with, so don’t call me”. That’s just rude. I was not raised that way. (Actually, my parents never mentioned (much?) about friendship… It was more about the fact that blood was thicker than water. But that, dear readers, is a totally different story which I might share some day with you. Here, or in real life). So, what happens is that I want to be a good friend. For I recall in kindergarten, waaaay back in time (!) I learned something, or I was taught that:

The best way to get a friend is to be one

And this is also what I have been doing. Or at least trying to do. But what do you do when you feel like you are giving a lot and not getting anything in return? How far does it have to go before you say “that’s enough!”? At what point do you decide that this person is not worth my time/my effort? It sounds so harsh, that I feel as if I could never do it. However, I might come to the conclusion that this is what needs to be done from my side. “You give a finger and they take your entire arm” – my mother told me this once, and I see what she means now.

It might be the society I am in, where everyone is very self-centred and beginning most of their sentences with “I” or “My”…
Would it kill you to stop talking for a minute, and sincerely ask how your friend is doing? What happened to “taking care of each other”? It does go both ways, you know. Or it should do so at least. So, people out there. Please, don’t forget that you might be having a hard time, and yes, your problems are important. Because YOU ARE IMPORTANT! But don’t forget to show some respect and gratefulness towards  the ones that are listening to you talking (read; nagging about your issues over and over and over! again).

It’s not always easy to open up and admit that you need someone that listens to you. Confess that you are in need of someones full attention for a change. Just having someone who actively listens to you might be just what you need. Not a pep-talk, not listening to other people problems (that might be your (read; my) way of escaping from my own issues, believing that I would be too selfish thinking about me, when someone else out there needs me. Trying to make the world a better place, you know). Take time for others. Take time for yourself. And when you feel as if you need time from someone else, tell them that. Don’t be ashamed to ask for their time.
(I should start taking my own advises for a change)

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Filed under Friendship

Just One Wish

It’s funny how sometimes (always?) something horrible needs to happen for you to stop, and realize what is really important in this world. When life is rushing you by, and you’re not even able to slow down in order to enjoy it properly. That’s when it happens. The unthinkable. So unfair, yet still so real.

Today I got bad news. Two people who are close to me are very ill.

And just as I realized what they were saying, everything else stopped. If only for a second. I could not even catch my breath. Like there was no air. It all just suddenly vanished and left was… nothing. The words were hanging above us. Out there. Not to be taken back. (You know how you just wait for the other person to say “Hey, I was just joking. I am perfectly fine! You should have seen your face when I told you… There, there, calm down. Let’s go grab a cup of coffee instead”) But there was no “I was just joking”… It was a fact. Not to be taken back as a bad joke. Truth does hurt sometimes.

Now, I know that in one way or another, we are all dying. All the time. No matter when we are going to leave this world, we are closer to death by a day compared to yesterday. But it’s somewhat different when you are told that you might die earlier than you thought you might. For (maybe) most of us, believe that we are going to die old, having lived long enough to meet our grandchildren and what not. But when you are young, you don’t want to be thinking about death. You are constantly being told that you have your whole life in front of you (which, by the way, makes me furious to hear, since no one is in the position to tell me, or you, that we are going to live a long life. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow?)

It’s not the first time it happens, really. Something or someone shocks you and you realize that whatever you were doing, what ever argument you are having with your friend, family member, colleague or neighbour, minor issues or dilemmas you believe are the worst thing that could ever happen to you… Newsflash! It’s not. It’s not all that important.

As much as I dislike the idea of not being grateful for all the wonderful people and things that I have in my life… I am just a simple human being, who does not appreciate what I have got. Until I lose it, that is.

You don’t know what you got until you’re missing it… a lot!

I guess most of us have felt that way once or twice before. That we don’t appreciate what we have got, until we lose it. It’s sad how we very rarely (never?) are satisfied with what we have got. Taking things for granted is very easy, especially when you have so much. Basics, the fundamentals in life, such as health are taken for granted, something that you are being given… just like that.

The healthy people have a hundred… no, make that a thousand wishes in life. The sick… only one. And we both know what that wish is.

I don’t really know what I want to tell you by this post.
Maybe, I hope that you will try to stop, and look around you. What is really important in your life? Who is really important in your life? Are you taking care of that person enough? Does that person know that (s)he is important to you? That you care? Is it really necessary for something bad to happen before you realize that you care?

I am being confused. Or, more like… I am frustrated that there is nothing that I can do about my friends being ill.
I am not a doctor, nor do I have magic powers to help them out. But what I can do, is to let them know, that no matter what happens, I am there for them. Every day of the week. And that we are going to do this together. Because I care. The people who are dear to me, these are the people who mean something in life. Family members, friends… That is what is important in my life.

What is most important to you in your life? Do you appreciate what you have got?

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Filed under Every day life, Friendship, Unknown future