It’s quite simple, really. Have no expectations and you will not get disappointed.
The equation is ridiculously easy, yet it does not work. Not for me at least.
I don’t believe that I have too high expectations on the people I surround myself with, yet I find myself getting disappointed time and time again. Not quite sure why that is, all I can say is that as I take a good look at people, listen to them, observe their actions, I get frightened how very calculable they (we) are. Before entering in any engagement or performing any task, we ask the question “What’s in it for me?”. First then we will actually decide what we will do, involve or not. I can agree that in certain circumstances that is a good approach, in your professional life for sure. But as it comes to your private life, one might consider another approach, at least from time to time.
As I watch, listen and talk to the people around me, I find that to always be the case. There is no way that someone would do anything without being calculable. As if we are always waiting for that other person to take that first step, make that grand gesture, pick up the phone and call, make a move for you to know that it’s safe ground to stand on… Why are we so afraid to make that move in the first place? What are we so afraid of? As if it was a case of people being scared of opening up, letting anyone in, showing emotions if they are not a hundred percent sure that they are answered? As if there would be something shameful over a friendly gesture, showing that you care, that you think about another person or that you wish to help someone else. No, instead we refrain from anything that could be considered “too much”, or “over the top”… something more than that other person has done for you.
Am I the only one feeling as if people refuse to do anything these days if they don’t get a really good return from their effort? And even if we are all the same, calculating effort to return, still we expect others to behave in a different manner. I assume that this is where we get disappointed, when people act the way we act ourselves. Ironic, is it not?
Why can we no longer do something just because we can? Just because we enjoy doing it, for someone else, or just for ourselves? Does it always have to come with a great return? Is it a matter of lacking time? If it won’t payoff really well, why invest time in it? Are we really that stressed nowadays? That very results-oriented that if we can’t get a reward, we simply won’t consider it?
Expectations… Just the word is strong and heavy in one way. Almost uncomfortable, where you are a demanding person if you have them, and you feel pressure if someone has expectations towards you. Yet, I ask myself, why are we afraid of someone expecting something from us? Are we scared that we won’t live up to them? Is that why we refuse to even make an effort? One should never let the fear of losing keep you from even trying and entering the game. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I expect too much from others. Maybe I expect the wrong things from the wrong people?
Maybe… I should expect nothing, and everything or anything I get in return, should be considered a bonus.
If we are supposed to perform better with a little bit of pressure, how come we don’t perform at all in some cases when there is some, even the smallest, pressure included in the picture? Why have we become so very calculable? I do get disgusted by it, when it is so very markedly as I find my part of the world to be, as if everything was a business-contract, only it has nothing to do with doing business… it’s a matter of friendship, where no titles and job positions are involved, just two individuals interacting with each other in the real world. Is it more to it? What part am I missing? Why won’t we just let go and live a little? Just because we can!
No, instead we do things only if it is rewarding enough.
Lesson to be learned; Expect nothing and you won’t get disappointed.