Monthly Archives: June 2012

Expect nothing

It’s quite simple, really. Have no expectations and you will not get disappointed.
The equation is ridiculously easy, yet it does not work. Not for me at least.

I don’t believe that I have too high expectations on the people I surround myself with, yet I find myself getting disappointed time and time again. Not quite sure why that is, all I can say is that as I take a good look at people, listen to them, observe their actions, I get frightened how very calculable they (we) are. Before entering in any engagement or performing any task, we ask the question “What’s in it for me?”. First then we will actually decide what we will do, involve or not. I can agree that in certain circumstances that is a good approach, in your professional life for sure. But as it comes to your private life, one might consider another approach, at least from time to time.

As I watch, listen and talk to the people around me, I find that to always be the case. There is no way that someone would do anything without being calculable. As if we are always waiting for that other person to take that first step, make that grand gesture, pick up the phone and call, make a move for you to know that it’s safe ground to stand on… Why are we so afraid to make that move in the first place? What are we so afraid of? As if it was a case of people being scared of opening up, letting anyone in, showing emotions if they are not a hundred percent sure that they are answered? As if there would be something shameful over a friendly gesture, showing that you care, that you think about another person or that you wish to help someone else. No, instead we refrain from anything that could be considered “too much”, or “over the top”… something more than that other person has done for you.

Am I the only one feeling as if people refuse to do anything these days if they don’t get a really good return from their effort? And even if we are all the same, calculating effort to return, still we expect others to behave in a different manner. I assume that this is where we get disappointed, when people act the way we act ourselves. Ironic, is it not?

Why can we no longer do something just because we can? Just because we enjoy doing it, for someone else, or just for ourselves? Does it always have to come with a great return? Is it a matter of lacking time? If it won’t payoff really well, why invest time in it? Are we really that stressed nowadays? That very results-oriented that if we can’t get a reward, we simply won’t consider it?

Expectations… Just the word is strong and heavy in one way. Almost uncomfortable, where you are a demanding person if you have them, and you feel pressure if someone has expectations towards you. Yet, I ask myself, why are we afraid of someone expecting something from us? Are we scared that we won’t live up to them? Is that why we refuse to even make an effort? One should never let the fear of losing keep you from even trying and entering the game. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I expect too much from others. Maybe I expect the wrong things from the wrong people?

Maybe… I should expect nothing, and everything or anything I get in return, should be considered a bonus.
If we are supposed to perform better with a little bit of pressure, how come we don’t perform at all in some cases when there is some, even the smallest, pressure included in the picture? Why have we become so very calculable? I do get disgusted by it, when it is so very markedly as I find my part of the world to be, as if everything was a business-contract, only it has nothing to do with doing business… it’s a matter of friendship, where no titles and job positions are involved, just two individuals interacting with each other in the real world. Is it more to it? What part am I missing? Why won’t we just let go and live a little? Just because we can!

No, instead we do things only if it is rewarding enough.

Lesson to be learned; Expect nothing and you won’t get disappointed.

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Self-awareness

Since the beginning of this year I have had the luxury of taking time off from precisely everything. I decided to take time to just breath. Quite aware of the fact that I am spoiled, being able to do absolutely nothing, it was very much-needed after a rollercoaster of emotions and life-turbulence that I experienced lately…

Having basically no responsibilities, no “must’s”, and not even having to get up from bed every day, was really something new for me. Considering that I am that kind of person that is bored if I don’t multitask, and work on three new projects while currently being occupied by five other ones… so, switching to zero responsibilities was definitely something new and in some regards a scary experience for me.

Turned out to be an adventure of another kind. An inner journey, exploring myself, new sides, new knowledge and coming to peace and rest with several unfinished deals. As much as “free-time” sounds fun, in my case… and forgive me if I sound ignorant, spoiled or indulged… it was not always a walk in a park. Sure, I spent a lot of time in the dance studio, learning more about the language of music and soul, I travelled and enjoyed the company of great people, I also realized that I had all this time to myself, why not learn more about “me” in that case?! And so I did.

I suppose that on an everyday basis, you are busy doing whatever-it-is-that-you-are-doing, working, studying, taking care of family, doing laundry, cleaning the house, working out at the gym, doing groceries etc. that you can not really take a month or longer off to explore yourself, who you are, new sides of your personality, investigate your own characteristics or follow-up patterns you see in your life.

In my case, that’s exactly what I did. And believe me when I say that it was a bumpy and mysterious journey. It made me want to close my doors and windows for months and not talk to anyone… Because, you see… ever since I can remember, I have been this outgoing, outspoken and social person that had no problem being in new environments, meeting new people, eager to gain new knowledge about everything and anything, only this time, the subject that I was about to learn more about was me. And that was the new part of this experience. There was no book I could read, nor any person that had the answers to my questions, it was just me, myself and I – to put it in other words. I was the one that had the answers, only earlier I had not had the time, or taken the time off, to ask myself and obtain the answers.

Time passed by quite fast, sure, I did read some books, I started to pain, I danced a lot and hung out with friends and family… but above all, I evaluated my life so far, and I assessed who I am. And that, my dear reader, is not an easy task to do. I am quite aware of the fact that we are usually our own worst critics, and this was maybe also the case this time. Nevertheless, I can now say that I know more about myself and why I am the way I am, than looking back six months. And truthfully, I am really happy that I took this opportunity to do so. If you ever look through this blog, you might get an idea about what my journey looked like, what questions I have been asking myself, what topics that have been passing through my thoughts and how I answered my own questions.

You see, I am more of “less talk, more action”-kinda-person, and I am more about living life, rather than to talk or think about it, but once in a blue-moon I like to evaluate things, just to sort them out, make peace in my mind, learn my lesson, grow as a person, (hopefully) become stronger from my experiences and move on with life. One might claim that my age is way to low to “have to evaluate life already!”, and to that I say that “age is just a number, and life takes us on different journeys at different times and ages”, and truth be told, I believe that one should take time to face oneself. In my case, this was an opportunity to do so, and now that I’ve done that, I feel more secure and stronger than before.

I am far from done with exploring who I am, I hope to grow as a person and elaborate new sides or myself for the rest of my life, however long that will be. But as for now, I am quite satisfied with the journey of life I’ve made.
Right, so, my point is that I want to encourage people, YOU, to once every now and then, stop and think things through. Think yourself- and your life through. Not to be afraid to ask yourself questions where the answer could be scary or uncomfortable. No matter the answer, the knowledge you gain is about yourself, and knowing more about you, makes you stronger and makes you grow as a person, would you not agree?

Well, regardless if you agree or not, I am a firm believer in asking uncomfortable questions to myself in order to learn more about who I am, who I wish to be, about my life and grow as an individual. Not to satisfy others, but just for my own sake.
Because it makes me feel good once I learn about myself.
And last but definitely not least, it’s not about finding out who you are, but who you wish to be and become… and without asking the questions to yourself about yourself, you can’t give yourself the answer about who you wish to be.

So, don’t be afraid to ask those questions, and most importantly, don’t be afraid of the answers you might get.

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Filed under Encouragment, Every day life