…Of feeling numb like this, one day to another? You keep breaking down, waiting for someone to carry you up. What is the point of hating your job, smile to your foe, and eat food that makes you throw up? What is the point to stay in the dark corner, when the light is long gone? What is the point of feeling too much and nothing at all at the same time? What is the point of making sense to the gray and cold stone? Where to go and hide, when your mind is the source of your own tragedy? How to take care of your body that keeps lying to you? When to jump when time stands still? How to swim in the dry ocean? Getting drunk with your own tears falling down your chin, lying on the ground that spins backwards only to stop exactly at the same spot where you started. Are you heading the wrong way? Does your eyes recognize blue from black? Can you hear a bird sing when you scream louder? What is the point of waking up to another day of feeling numb? What is the point of not being able to share joy, but keeping it for yourself? Did you ever try to make a point of life, thinking it was all a lie? Did you ever see the clouds under your own feet? Don’t you wish you could fly away? Far, far away where your memories, your numb body and your dark mind would never reach you, and the darkness isn’t welcome? Are you feeling too little, or too much? Can you tell the difference between life and a lie? Are you feeling any better knowing you are heading in the wrong direction? Can you make your mind stop thinking? Can you make your body stop screaming from pain? What is the point to wake up to another day when the tears are falling down to drown you? What is the point of feeling everything and nothing? What is the point of craving more or nothing? What is the point of choosing between a life and a lie? Where to go when you are surrounded by darkness? What is the point of trying harder to smile, only to cover up for the tears falling down? What is the point of this numbness? What is the point of another day?
Monthly Archives: October 2014
You keep telling me words of comfort, you hold my hand when I feel alone, and you stand next to me when I wish to jump, only to make me know that you’ll take the fall with me, together. We are not one and the same, I push and you pull. I give and you receive. I am yin and you are yang. You speak and I am mute. There is you, and there is me.
Are we good for one another? Do we ever know if one is? Is there a feeling that we are waiting for to follow, or makes us realize what is right and what is not? Is there a decision that needs to be made? Does it matter what day it is when the decision is made? Two life to share moments together, for how long? Who knows? Are you and I to decide, or are we to feel? Are we waiting until life takes one of us away? Are we even allowed to choose? Shall we reach for other highs, or focus for each other’s lows? When you are you, and I am me, can we move in the same direction without losing one another in ‘us’? Is the ‘I’ important enough, equally or less, to strive for ‘us’ to survive the questions we are surrounded with, by choice and by chance? Shall we settle before we are sure of the own will? Is the will ever sure of what we are ready for? I am me, and you are you. I push and you pull. Closer and harder. With different movements we wish for the same, yet we end up oceans apart.
Do you face the same fears? Do you see my tears? Scared to let you in, I do not want to let you go. I cannot tell what came first, or what will stand longest. My weakest point is you, and I wish it was me. I say what I think, but my heart speaks a language you won’t listen to. Confused by the thoughts, the feelings, the questions, and the fears, yet blinded by the tears, my body weakens to the ground. Scattered and broken, every time a little bit harder, a little bit deeper. The wind blows some thoughts away, and I search for your hand. Love me the most, when I deserve it the least. You see you, and I see me. Blinded by our own selfishness and needs, we end up oceans apart. Because I push, and you pull.