Will it prove me right, or will it prove me wrong? Love. The more I look around, the more I see couples, pairing up to be two, together, claiming their ‘forever’ to stay the way they are right now. I too wanted that once. Perhaps I still do, however, there is a rather large part of me that wants to be proven wrong. That there is no such thing as love, forever lasting or even true. A part of me wants to fall in love again, only to be left heartbroken, alone and crying. To prove to myself that this is what happens when you believe in words, when you follow your heart and trust in the happy ending. Truth is, that I am not certain what I want most, to be proven wrong, or right. To find that one smile that will keep smiling with me until I close my eyes for the very last time, or find out that we really are alone in this world, walking side by side, filling out life with the most or least meaningful thing we can afford or receive. Does it need to hurt in order to be real? Does it have an ending if it is true? Are we all seeking for love and affection? Understanding and intimacy? A feeling of belonging and purpose? Something we are not able to provide ourselves with?
Are we unfaithful to life when we give up the search for love? Are we cheating on love when we settle for something that it is not true in our heart? Is it right to not believe in it? In love. Is it a crime to wish it was not an option or possibility, only to make life easier? At what age or what stage does one accept that there will be no happy ending together with someone special? Perhaps the dark season is speaking, with the sound of the wind that blows all around, and we cannot find the sunshine to warm up our icecold hearts before the cold reaches our souls.
As for me, I keep being torn apart between wishing for it to come true, yet, avoiding it at all costs, only to find that it has no raison d’être in case it would find its way into my life. Until then, I keep filling my life with all those most or least meaningful things in life, sharing smiles with people that enter my life. So, will it prove me right, or will it prove me wrong?