Have you ever ended up staying up until early hours with a dear friend or random person, jumping from one topic to another? It happened to me a while ago, where a dear friend of mine and I discussed relationships, true love and the concept of finding your “one and only” person. Often I hear that couple stay together for different reasons, although the love or the bond is gone. Fear of being alone, children, rough finances, impossible housing situations and so on, are the most common reasons. Yet, one of the worse things in my opinion is when one person is “waiting for something better to come along”. For some reason this makes me rather upset. Why would you not have the courage to face the truth or even share your thought or feelings with your significant other, and admit that you are deeply wishing to meet another person to create butterflies in your belly, or make your knees weak… I keep asking myself if it is just a matter of perception, where one says “I love you”, and the other replies “I love you more”. Maybe this is the point. We cannot love each other equally, ever. Perhaps for the very simple reason we love differently begins with the purposes, or different levels of our emotions, or even different depths… Maybe we want to be the one who loves more, and when that is not the case, we believe that we have not found “the one”?
I have been wondering many times before abot the concept of love, some of it you can read here; what is love. If you now find yourself to be in a relationship, do you ever wonder if you love this person equally much as (s)he loves you back? Does it matter? I don’t mean the love one has for your child or parents, as that is perhaps something different, where the emotions are connected to a fact or understanding that you share blood, heritage or history. I am referring to the kind of love you develop towards a person who was a stranger to you at some point, where you had to learn his or hers name, maybe you began with an introduction and spend some time with each other, dating, candle light dinners, hanging out on a sunny beach, travel around the world, or it all began as you had to share a table at the cafeteria as you both work in the same office building?
In whatever way you met and ended up loving each other, do you love each other equally much? Is your love based on the same foundation? Does it span over the same radius? Do you love each other in the same way? Does it matter? As we grow older, some – perhaps even most – people start to reflect on whether on not the person they call their significant other “the one”, is this the person you want to grow old with? or even spend a little time together with… Let’s assume for a moment that there is no way that two people can love each other equally much, due to background, experiences and expectations, would you rather be the person who loves more, or the one who is more loved? Perhaps a rather complex or even silly question, but come to think about it, what would you choose?
Continuing the debate with myself, I keep wondering what I would desire more… Is it a matter of not letting in, not letting go, or simply not wishing to be the blinded by emotions? Which one are you in your relationship? Does it vary? Do we love more and less over time? Do we grow into love as we care more for the person on the other side of the breakfast table? Would it make you feel more safe and secure if your significant other was the one to love you more? Would you find it unattractive if your partner is the one to love you more, make those grand gesture, more often wanting to be together, sending sweet messages, always be the one to suggest you meet up, calling or woo you whilst looking at the world through pink-coloured shade and a dreamy smile? Is it a fact that love grows over time. And also fades the same way. Are we to look at who we care for instead of who we love? Maybe this is the lesson to learn, that one shouldn’t focus on the concept of love, but instead on the feeling of caring for someone else? Just like you either care or not, can we say the same for love? I love more, I love less… I care more, I care less. Either you care, or you don’t. Can you limit yourself for caring? Then the question should be if you can limit yourself of your loving emotions. Can you?
At the end of the day, you might want to think about the person who you care for. And who cares for you back. I suppose most of us have been hurt by love, yet, if you are with someone who cares for you, then why would that hurt you? As the simple definition is to “take care”. Could be that caring is a part of the concept of ‘love’, yet the love part hurts, and the caring part – in my view – doesn’t. Should we aim for being with someone who cares more, instead of loves more? And if so, can you care less? Or do you want to love more?