You Were a Sign

Days pass us by, one sunrise after another, leaving the past behind without any chance of returning back. I do not know where you are these days. You no longer tell me about your thoughts, your feelings or how your days are… the simple answer to ‘why’, is that I am no longer a part of your life. You are no longer to be seen in my life either.
It pains me to know that we shared out every day, from sunrise to sunset, laughter and tears, and now I do not know what colour your toothbrush is anymore.

Sometimes life forces us travel on journeys we do not wish for. Adventures that are unexpected, maybe sometimes not even welcomed. It packs your bags and sets you off in the direction that it chooses. Life changes and so do we, with the same pace as people enter and exit life, we stretch our legs again and move on. Not because we want to, but because life goes on, and we must do the same.

I sometimes wish that you would show up on my doorstep, take all my pain and sorrow away, and I would hide in your arms again. I want this all to be a dream, a bad dream, and as I wake up you will still be there by my side.

I feel your presence, we share space but not time. Passing each other by in different moments, too far away to know that we actually are in the same place, just not in the same time… You are still close to me, although none of us is aware of it. Perhaps it is better this way. Perhaps the memory of you will fade away sooner than I wish for. Perhaps, this is your dream now.

My life will be light and bright again, I am certain of this part. No, you did not take my sunshine away, however there are clouds on my sky at this moment, and a little bit of rain every now and then. And although this creates the most beautiful rainbow in my life, I rather be with you.

As days pass us by, I know that you will soon just be another memory, another sign on my journey through life, yet I wished you would be a destination. A place where I could stay, be safe and feel that I belong. Instead you turned out to be a sign for me.
How did I know if I was ready to read you, I cannot tell. Perhaps you were written in a language I could not speak when we first met. By the time I learned your language you were gone, and left I stood with words I wanted to share with you. Proud to finally be able to read what the sign said, you turned around not to come back. The language I just learned to read and write was no longer of any usage… You were gone. You are still gone.

Days pass us by, sunrise after sunrise, and I now know you were just a sign on my path through life. Showing me the direction I was heading towards. One step further. One step closer.
However, I wish you would turn out ti be my destination.

Your Choice of Thoughts

Morning glory!
It’s snow and cold outside. One can hear some sweet birds twitter loud enough to wake you up, even though you’re in bed and the duvet hugs you close and keeps you warm, it is time to get up and start the day. With my first zip of coffee, I tune in a radiostation sending from far away, just to be able to listen to the language that I know by heart. As years pass by, I learn to appreciate the Power of languages, both for the heart and for the mind.

As there was less coffee in my cup, a song began to play containing a very uplifting message;

Happiness is so close, if you just want it,
With your Dreams you build your own future, your own Destiny

For some reason, this was exactly what I needed to be reminded off. In the deepest concerns of what the future will bring, after all exams, when job-hunting is on the top of lists in these days where people fight to survive, fear of losing what they have…

We might be living in difficult times, but it is the believe that we can change that will give results. In the end, it’s all a matter of mindset, at least in my world. Believing that your happiness is simply the quality of your thoughts is a very powerful tool. In fact, happiness is really a state of mind. The other morning as I woke up, for no reason really, I began to smile as I felt my happiness coming from within. The knowledge of being fortunate to have beautiful people in my life, friends and family supporting me in life, sharing laughter and tears together, holding your hand and watching your back when you go through life is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

I hope you know that the best things in life, are not things at all. You know the answer to this one, without me needing to state the obvious…

Coming back to the song which lyrics are filling up the apartment as I write this, I am sure that we all need to be reminded every now and then how powerful tools we have in our hands.
We shape our life by simply choosing one way of thinking instead of another. Keep that in mind for the day, and notice the change.  

Any Road is Right

It’s like the weirdest feeling. I am not even sure if it can be called a feeling, more like the lack of the same. And I am not sure if I prefer not to feel compared to actually feeling. We’ve all been told to “follow our heart”, but what if you can’t understand what your heart is telling you? Or if your heart just suddenly went spontaneously mute, there is nothing coming from it, not a beat, not a tune, not a vibe. Any attempt to listen to what your heart is telling you is good for nothing, because it is not saying anything at all.  Is that what I should listen to? The silence? Or perhaps did I go selectively deaf?

The lack of information, the lack of feelings, the lack of understanding whatever my heart is telling me, or, not telling me… I am confused. Maybe I am just not ready to listen? Or maybe I just don’t want to? I can not tell what the truth is, what the situation is really like. At the same time, the head is speaking quite loudly, definitely louder than expected. As the questions arise, should one listen to the head when the heart is mute?

Do I want to follow anything? Mind or heart, regardless, it is making a decision which will lead to a change. And changes are good, right? I can not tell in this moment what I want, what I feel, or even what I want to feel. Maybe that’s where the problem begins.

When you don’t know where you are going, any road is the right one

So, perhaps that is where to start to solve the equation. Realizing and mapping out where one wants to go, where you want to be. Figuring out who says what, mind or heart… I mean, sure, it is still a part of you. But being torn apart between head and heart, is never an easy situation. As I find myself in these situations ever now and then, I get frustrated for the same reasons.
First, I cannot hear what either one of them is saying, and secondly, I am not able to decide which voice to follow. Where it usually ends up? Funny part is that it always ends up right. At the end, it is always right. It’s just the way life works. And come to think about it, I would not have it any other way.

Don’t be afraid

One thing I have learned by the years is to always stay true to myself, and to listen and trust what my heart tells me. In private relations with other people, I follow my heart and not a rational mind. It feels better. And it turns out to be for the best as well.

You see, I figure that if you follow your feelings, what you believe and trust, then at the end of your day you can at least be sure that one person is content, and that person is YOU!
How ever much you wish to please other people, (Go ahead, and do so!) but if you don’t really know what they want (or better yet, if they don’t know themselves what they want) there’s a slight chance that no one will be satisfied by the end of your day. I suppose that we are all in charge of our own happiness in life.

I’m not saying that I don’t have doubts. (Lord knows I do). But just as much as I doubt, I put faith into life, that it will turn out for the best regardless of how it actually will turn out. So, once every blue moon I reach out for this quote to get my mind and thoughts in order, and to get back on track.

“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make”.

This simple line has helped me during several difficult moments in life. When I was scared, frightened, unsure and simply afraid of the decision I was about to make, figuring, I could either stare at the issue or problem, hoping that it would go away, or I could actually do something. Take action for my own happiness, for my own life.
I’ve done a couple of those decisions recently, and even though I’m still not sure what the final outcome of that will be, at least I followed my heart. And truthfully speaking, is that not what it’s really about? To follow your own heart? In every aspect really.

Not sure how you feel about trusting your intuition or heart, but I do trust mine. I made a decision that I am going to trust my self, my own opinion and my own feelings. After all, why would I want anything else but my own best? Sure, if it doesn’t work out, I will simply have to make a new decision. But always following ones heart is a good rule of thumb.

As for the quote above, I really do believe that it is the way life goes. We do not regret the chances we took, but the ones that we let go and didn’t take. We regret all the moments of happiness we could create with another person because we were afraid and scared to take that next step together. And finally, we regret taking too much time thinking back and forth regarding a decision that should have been taken much earlier. We regret that time was spent on thinking instead of doing.

Reading this quote every now and then, when needed, reminds me of how I want to live my life. What I wish and don’t wish to regret in life. Maybe it is impossible to live a life without any regrets, or maybe it is simply a choice.

Regardless of how life turns out, sometime we need a little bit of encouragement in order to move, in one direction or another. Just like riding a bike, you need to actually move in some, any, direction, to make it work.

Second time counts?

What makes you regret more, the things you have done, or the things you never did?

They say that the things you don’t do, are the things you regret the most…
Going “what if” about past opportunities is really uncomfortable. Then again, at some point it was a choice, even if the lack of decision was the outcome, it was an active choice not to make a decision, right? (I hope you’re following my monologue here)

I try to live my life without regrets. I mean, after all, everything I have been through in life has lead me to become the person I am today. And frankly speaking, I like myself. However, this is not about decisions that affect me personality-wise, but rather life-wise. See, when you make a decision, it could be life-changing for you, and those are really difficult to make sometimes.

Looking back now, I might have a few of those behind me in my past. Like a crossroad where I needed to decide which way to go, and so I chose one and went in that direction I decided was the right one for me.
Check and done, you don’t go back.

But… (so, here it comes, right?) what if you were able to go back? What if that door has not been completely closed yet? Or it re-opened and you just found out. Even if you already accepted that “missed” opportunity from before, if you realized that you made the wrong turn earlier, but since life goes on, so did you…
Now, let’s say that life plays some tricks on you, and suddenly you are back to where you were, a little different, a bit older, the situation is not quite the same, but still you are at a point where you have to make a decision, about the same things more or less. How do you deal with the same decision? Would you think differently? Would you be ready to make a different decision this time?

Does everyone deserve a second chance?

No Mistakes

Some relationships are not meant to last forever. They suddenly end, leaving you either heartbroken or relieved… Are they supposed to be called a “mistake”? I do not believe so.
As I had a conversation about this earlier, I realized that there are no such things as “mistakes”… we are the ones making decisions for ourselves, for our life, and the outcome of it should be based on the decision we make. We should, in my opinion, call them “lessons”, not “mistakes”. Regretting something will not make things easier, worst case scenario is when you can’t take it back, or change your decision. Feeling bad about it, regretting and taking on the perspective of having made a ‘mistake’ does not make the situation any better.

For whatever reason you have to make a decision in life, I wish for you that it is based on how you truly feel, think, believe and wish for. I wonder if it makes any difference making the “right” decision for the “wrong” reasons… is there such a thing?  Also, if there is a “wrong” reason for making the “right” decision, does that equal each other out? Is it the wrong decision then? Or is it the end-result that really matters? –  Random thoughts

Anyway, life goes on. That is what we learn on our journey. If you are heartbroken now, know that it is simply a step towards happiness. If you are confused now, it is the fog before clarity shows up. It takes a little rain to create a rainbow (and we all love rainbows, don’t we?!)
So, I wish you all the very best with your decisions in life. May they be based on your own beliefs, and I hope that you never regret what once made you smile.      And I keep wishing the very same for me.

Mind Your Thoughts

Picture this … You wake up with sunshine in mind, ready to jump up from bed and grab the day with both of your hands! “Watch out World,  Here I Come!”… and then it becomes grey. I don’t know what happened, the sunshine was suddenly gone, and I had the feeling that I might just crawl back to bed. As if I was just hoping for the message “Today is cancelled, go back to bed”… but to my very surprise (not really), that message never came. Hmph. So, I was digging deeper and suddenly began to see things in dark colours, life was no longer fun, it was difficult, so many things were just wrong, complaining and being all ‘bleeeh’, that was the next exit I was about to take.

I faced the day (what other option did I really have?) As I went out to catch some fresh air outside, I came to think about how fast ones (or is it just me?) mood can swing; up and down, and up again, like a roller-coaster with a pathetic excuse of seatbelt…Well, at least I cannot claim that I am bored hanging out with myself.

As I later spoke to a dear friend of mine, he reminded me of something I had forgotten about. An important lesson I learned years ago. It’s about the law of attraction and the power of your thoughts. How to change your life with the tools you are given, with your mind and thoughts. It’s ridiculously easy, and truth is that it works.

You see, thing is that;

You cannot live a positive life with a negative mind

No matter how hard you try, it is doomed to fail. Because whether you believe that you can do something or that you can not, you are totally right. No matter how you want to put it, everything in life begins with a thought, an idea. Something created in one’s mind. If you are more in control of what you think, of your own thoughts, you will begin to see the amazing things that will happen to you in every single aspect of life. Looking back on the very few last weeks I see that I have been practising this positive mental attitude without being aware of what I am attracting and invite into my life.

In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, I met a new smile. Someone who asked me questions I have never been asked before, and I spoke about things I never spoken about with any soul in life earlier. We spent only a few moments together, yet this person came to me, to my life, when I needed (and wanted) it. This person helped me to overcome a fear I have been pushing away to face for a long time, running round and round in circles, without actually dealing with it. What this person taught me was how to simply change perspective on the issue I have not been capable of handling myself. It was something totally different and new, but instead of having fear taking over, I decided to take this opportunity that I was given and learn, embrace it and

A new person, a new perspective, and problem was solved. I don’t know exactly what happened… Another continent was on the horizon I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the Ocean. Within the blink of an eye, I became a little dizzy and seconds later I began to laugh, and tears of joy filled my eyes. It was done. It really happened. My heart was healed, and I was no longer a prisoner of my own thoughts. Regardless of who this person who helped me to overcome my self was, I am thankful that I (in one way or another) attracted this person into my life, just when I needed it.
It was about time!

Right after that, another thing happened to me. From nowhere I saw a smile I needed to get to know better, I was intrigued, attracted and curious. For all the right and wrong reasons, the timing might have been bad, but then again, when is the right moment? Is there such a thing as a “perfect moment”? Are we not simply living in a moment? Life is so short, life is to be considered as one single short moment. This is why I decided not to wait for another second to pass by. It’s funny what life gives you when you ask for it. The new smile I just had invited to my life reminded me of someone I once knew, even though this was definitely not the same person. I felt as if I was supposed to get to know this person. We shared a laugh and I was caught up by the moment. From then on, I knew that I was going to miss that person once we are far from one another. Sometimes you just know. From a look, from a smile, from a distance, from within.

Life. Your life. If you knew just how powerful your own thoughts are, I firmly believe that you would never think a negative thought ever again. Every single thing in your life began and begins with a thought.
(Let’s face it, even you, your life, began with someone having a thought… a couple of months later, Voíla! You were in this world!)

Thoughts are extremely powerful tools that we are given to handle in a responsible way, to shape and create our life with. It affects other in all different ways possible, and when it comes down to it, I need to remind myself from time to time, to be more aware of my own thoughts.

As the day moved on, the sunshine was back. Not outside, up in the sky, but in my life. And most importantly, I needed to understand, once again, that a bad day does not mean that you have a bad life. Simply change your attitude, and you will change your life.

We could complain that the roses have thorns… complaining is easy, it pushes the problem forward and it does not solve anything.
Or, we could be thankful that thorns have roses. Whichever perspective you choose to use, do it consciously, and know that it’s a matter of perspective. It all begins with a thought. And there is no one stopping you from thinking a little bigger, a little better, and be aware that you attract things into your life. Do it consciously, and enjoy the ride.

One of Those Days

It’s one of those days. Those kind of days where you are surrounded by a lot of people, but feel as if you’re the loneliness person on earth. Where no one understands the way you feel, the way you think, the way you are or why you wish to scream it out!

It’s one of those days where you do stupid things. Where your head is not following, and in the end you will most probably end up regretting what you just did. One of those days where all you really want is for someone to hold you tight and close, whisper sweet little lies in your ear for you to believe that things will work out. That there will be a day tomorrow, that there comes sun after rain… that it needs to be dark before it can be bright and light again… Regardless of whether you know if it’s all just words or you believe in them, truth is that by having someone to pull you up, when you are down in that emotionally valley, that is all you really want. Some encouragement, not pity. A little bit of comfort, a little bit of safety when the storm is too hard for yourself to stand alone, a hand to hold on to…

Now, I know. One should never, ever take anyone or anything for granted. But would it not be amazing to know that there is always someone dear to you, that is able to take that role upon him or her self? Without any doubt in mind, that person will be your hero, or your hand to hold on to. In fact, that person does not really have to understand, or even try to understand. Just be there. I suppose sometimes the best conversations we have are silent. Mute. No words, but a lot of other forms of communication is taking part. I truly enjoy that. Just a long hug, that can make me feel a thousand times better than anyone trying to understand what I think or feel, asking a lot of questions while trying to do so.

It’s just one of those days… I really hope that tomorrow will be another day. Peace.

 

Self-awareness

Since the beginning of this year I have had the luxury of taking time off from precisely everything. I decided to take time to just breath. Quite aware of the fact that I am spoiled, being able to do absolutely nothing, it was very much-needed after a rollercoaster of emotions and life-turbulence that I experienced lately…

Having basically no responsibilities, no “must’s”, and not even having to get up from bed every day, was really something new for me. Considering that I am that kind of person that is bored if I don’t multitask, and work on three new projects while currently being occupied by five other ones… so, switching to zero responsibilities was definitely something new and in some regards a scary experience for me.

Turned out to be an adventure of another kind. An inner journey, exploring myself, new sides, new knowledge and coming to peace and rest with several unfinished deals. As much as “free-time” sounds fun, in my case… and forgive me if I sound ignorant, spoiled or indulged… it was not always a walk in a park. Sure, I spent a lot of time in the dance studio, learning more about the language of music and soul, I travelled and enjoyed the company of great people, I also realized that I had all this time to myself, why not learn more about “me” in that case?! And so I did.

I suppose that on an everyday basis, you are busy doing whatever-it-is-that-you-are-doing, working, studying, taking care of family, doing laundry, cleaning the house, working out at the gym, doing groceries etc. that you can not really take a month or longer off to explore yourself, who you are, new sides of your personality, investigate your own characteristics or follow-up patterns you see in your life.

In my case, that’s exactly what I did. And believe me when I say that it was a bumpy and mysterious journey. It made me want to close my doors and windows for months and not talk to anyone… Because, you see… ever since I can remember, I have been this outgoing, outspoken and social person that had no problem being in new environments, meeting new people, eager to gain new knowledge about everything and anything, only this time, the subject that I was about to learn more about was me. And that was the new part of this experience. There was no book I could read, nor any person that had the answers to my questions, it was just me, myself and I – to put it in other words. I was the one that had the answers, only earlier I had not had the time, or taken the time off, to ask myself and obtain the answers.

Time passed by quite fast, sure, I did read some books, I started to pain, I danced a lot and hung out with friends and family… but above all, I evaluated my life so far, and I assessed who I am. And that, my dear reader, is not an easy task to do. I am quite aware of the fact that we are usually our own worst critics, and this was maybe also the case this time. Nevertheless, I can now say that I know more about myself and why I am the way I am, than looking back six months. And truthfully, I am really happy that I took this opportunity to do so. If you ever look through this blog, you might get an idea about what my journey looked like, what questions I have been asking myself, what topics that have been passing through my thoughts and how I answered my own questions.

You see, I am more of “less talk, more action”-kinda-person, and I am more about living life, rather than to talk or think about it, but once in a blue-moon I like to evaluate things, just to sort them out, make peace in my mind, learn my lesson, grow as a person, (hopefully) become stronger from my experiences and move on with life. One might claim that my age is way to low to “have to evaluate life already!”, and to that I say that “age is just a number, and life takes us on different journeys at different times and ages”, and truth be told, I believe that one should take time to face oneself. In my case, this was an opportunity to do so, and now that I’ve done that, I feel more secure and stronger than before.

I am far from done with exploring who I am, I hope to grow as a person and elaborate new sides or myself for the rest of my life, however long that will be. But as for now, I am quite satisfied with the journey of life I’ve made.
Right, so, my point is that I want to encourage people, YOU, to once every now and then, stop and think things through. Think yourself- and your life through. Not to be afraid to ask yourself questions where the answer could be scary or uncomfortable. No matter the answer, the knowledge you gain is about yourself, and knowing more about you, makes you stronger and makes you grow as a person, would you not agree?

Well, regardless if you agree or not, I am a firm believer in asking uncomfortable questions to myself in order to learn more about who I am, who I wish to be, about my life and grow as an individual. Not to satisfy others, but just for my own sake.
Because it makes me feel good once I learn about myself.
And last but definitely not least, it’s not about finding out who you are, but who you wish to be and become… and without asking the questions to yourself about yourself, you can’t give yourself the answer about who you wish to be.

So, don’t be afraid to ask those questions, and most importantly, don’t be afraid of the answers you might get.

Selflessness

Are you a giving person? Have you ever done anything towards another person without expecting anything in return from him or her?

If you are a giving person, is it wrong if you choose who you want to be giving and nice to? And if you choose not to be at your very best to exactly everyone, does that make you a mean person instead?

I was thinking the other day, that there are not really that many giving, generous and loving people in the world, that are being their very best-self in every single situation, to everyone they meet, for no particular reason really. And so, unfortunately, it happens (way too often) that their generosity is being used, as in, someone taking advantage of it.

So, my question is, if a person that is giving and is aware of it, since that is somewhat a choice you make (here you could go on about how that is a feature in one’s personality not to be chosen by the person that has it, but then again… are we not able to change some of our behaviour, if we are aware of it? But that is not what I aim to talk about this time.)

Anyway, if you feel as if someone is taking advantage of your generosity, that you are caring, loving, giving etc. towards someone who really does not appreciate that about you, and not only is (s)he not appreciating, but actually using that to his or hers self-advantage… why not simply cut the chase and spell the beans! (Would that make the generous person less generous?) and instead stop showing that feature of yours towards that person? If (s)he doesn’t appreciate it, why should you give your kindness to someone who doesn’t appreciate it?

I found that the people in this world that are caring and generous, without expecting anything in return, are really extraordinary and unusual, not to mention very rare. Then again, I have been told every now and then, that there is no such thing as doing something without expecting anything in return. Even something as little as a “thank you!”, or the feeling you get when doing something good, helping someone else that is in need. (Is there a thing in the world that can be done, without expecting anything, I mean ANYTHING! in return?) A favor in return, a thank you, a smile… or the feel-good and pride in doing something “right”, helping someone else… (Isn’t that a reward come to think about it?)

The feeling you get when you do something good, is somewhat a reward you get, right? So, in fact, there is no such thing as doing something without expecting anything in return, because you are really expecting that rush you get when doing something good for someone else. Are you not?

I haven’t quite decided where I stand in the question;
Is it possible to do anything for someone else without expecting anything in return?
Because, what you might be waiting for, in return, might not even come from the person you are doing something for. But instead you might believe in Karma and that it will come back to you, in a good way of course, but from someone else, and not the person you helped out in the first place…

Then again, Buddha said;

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared

Does that mean that you should not look at it as if you are being used, or your generosity is something that someone is taking advantage of…
When not giving you anything in return, or worst case scenario, being rude or mean to you back instead?
And if you, for some reason, actually expect the person you are being nice towards, to be nice to you back… does that make you a selfish person?

Still not convinced, I find myself to actually expect something in return when giving my best-self to another person. Maybe not from the very first second, but when you start giving your heart, and trying your very best to please someone else, I don’t know how about you, but I find that I am indeed expecting something in return. And when all I get is someone being rude to me in return, I will stop being my very best towards that person. Simply. It might not be according to what Buddha said, but maybe I’m not the prime example on how to live life according to Buddhas belief either.

But despite all of this, I believe that we should all be nice and kind to one another. Because, what I want to say, is not to stop being kind, generous, loving and giving towards each other, but in fact I want the opposite. I want us to cherish and help each other out.

And never ever take anything for granted.
Because, not only will you miss it once it’s gone, but you might indeed hurt someone else as well.