Tag Archives: Love

Prove Me

Will it prove me right, or will it prove me wrong? Love. The more I look around, the more I see couples, pairing up to be two, together, claiming their ‘forever’ to stay the way they are right now. I too wanted that once. Perhaps I still do, however, there is a rather large part of me that wants to be proven wrong. That there is no such thing as love, forever lasting or even true. A part of me wants to fall in love again, only to be left heartbroken, alone and crying. To prove to myself that this is what happens when you believe in words, when you follow your heart and trust in the happy ending. Truth is, that I am not certain what I want most, to be proven wrong, or right. To find that one smile that will keep smiling with me until I close my eyes for the very last time, or find out that we really are alone in this world, walking side by side, filling out life with the most or least meaningful thing we can afford or receive. Does it need to hurt in order to be real? Does it have an ending if it is true? Are we all seeking for love and affection? Understanding and intimacy? A feeling of belonging and purpose? Something we are not able to provide ourselves with?

Are we unfaithful to life when we give up the search for love? Are we cheating on love when we settle for something that it is not true in our heart? Is it right to not believe in it? In love. Is it a crime to wish it was not an option or possibility, only to make life easier? At what age or what stage does one accept that there will be no happy ending together with someone special? Perhaps the dark season is speaking, with the sound of the wind that blows all around, and we cannot find the sunshine to warm up our icecold hearts before the cold reaches our souls.

As for me, I keep being torn apart between wishing for it to come true, yet, avoiding it at all costs, only to find that it has no raison d’être in case it would find its way into my life. Until then, I keep filling my life with all those most or least meaningful things in life, sharing smiles with people that enter my life. So, will it prove me right, or will it prove me wrong?

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Key to a Closed Door

I see your face, and my face smiles. I know the reason. I know the feeling. I recognize it, I have felt it before. I missed it and at the same time I have avoided it on purpose, due to the pain it have caused in my past. Afraid of letting it enter my life, scared of letting it enter my heart, and you are the one who is opening that closed-door to let it in. I hope you open that door knowing what that means to me, and I can only hope it means just as much to you. I hope that you did not just try out any door that crossed your path, and play around with its key. Because that key goes to my door. Please, hand me back the key if you are to play with it. Better yet, use the key when you are ready to learn what is behind this door…

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I Push, You Pull

You keep telling me words of comfort, you hold my hand when I feel alone, and you stand next to me when I wish to jump, only to make me know that you’ll take the fall with me, together. We are not one and the same, I push and you pull. I give and you receive. I am yin and you are yang. You speak and I am mute. There is you, and there is me.

Are we good for one another? Do we ever know if one is? Is there a feeling that we are waiting for to follow, or makes us realize what is right and what is not? Is there a decision that needs to be made? Does it matter what day it is when the decision is made? Two life to share moments together, for how long? Who knows? Are you and I to decide, or are we to feel? Are we waiting until life takes one of us away? Are we even allowed to choose? Shall we reach for other highs, or focus for each other’s lows? When you are you, and I am me, can we move in the same direction without losing one another in ‘us’? Is the ‘I’ important enough, equally or less, to strive for ‘us’ to survive the questions we are surrounded with, by choice and by chance? Shall we settle before we are sure of the own will? Is the will ever sure of what we are ready for? I am me, and you are you. I push and you pull. Closer and harder. With different movements we wish for the same, yet we end up oceans apart.

Do you face the same fears? Do you see my tears? Scared to let you in, I do not want to let you go. I cannot tell what came first, or what will stand longest. My weakest point is you, and I wish it was me. I say what I think, but my heart speaks a language you won’t listen to. Confused by the thoughts, the feelings, the questions, and the fears, yet blinded by the tears, my body weakens to the ground. Scattered and broken, every time a little bit harder, a little bit deeper. The wind blows some thoughts away, and I search for your hand. Love me the most, when I deserve it the least. You see you, and I see me. Blinded by our own selfishness and needs, we end up oceans apart. Because I push, and you pull.

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An Evening in the City

Standing outside on the balcony, the lively citybreeze embracing me and starting to play around my body, catching my clothes to dance together with the breeze. I hear the sound of the streets singing. I hear people laughing as they enjoy their dinner on the local restaurant on the corner downstairs. I see a group of friends biking together along my street, perhaps to a party where they will celebrate the night, dancing and singing together. The sound of the old bikes fade out, and I see how more friends are joining along the street before I lose sight of them.

I look across the street to find a woman standing in front of the mirror and putting up her hair, as she wears a beautiful dress and drinking golden bubbles together with her friend. Her friend colors her own lips with a fire red lipstick, and smiles to her friend’s reflection in the mirror. I believe the two of them are going to a festivity, where they will continue smiling all night, surrounded with many others who spent some time in front of the mirror, choosing their clothes, fixing their hairs and coloring their lips in order to emphasize their own individual beauty.

In another window I see a couple opening up a bottle of red wine as they are preparing a meal together in the kitchen. She smiles towards him, as he asks her to taste the sauce on a little spoon. His eyes sparkle, awaiting her approval of his culinary efforts for the two of them to enjoy together this evening. Perhaps this is the evening where he realizes that she is the woman of his life? Maybe this is the evening where she will tell him how she really feels for him? Could be that their both hearts are beating very fast. Possibly, they are both still nervous to be in each others company. I can almost sense the romance from where I am standing, on the other side of the street, on my balcony, dancing with the citybreeze surrounding me as the sun has gone down for the day, welcoming the night.

I close my eyes as they tear up, tears of joy, tears of love. As every year so far, the Spring brings us hope, lust for love and open our minds to new adventures. But only for this evening, I don’t want to make any plans for what is to be done, what I want to do, or what I wish for. I simply enjoy the moment. This moment. This evening in the city. Where the citybreeze dances with my body. Where the sound of the street creates music to my ears. Where the love of the people around me sends vibes to me, making my body dance to its rhythm. 

Hours later I fall go to bed with an open window, where I hear the bubbly laughter of friends on their way home from festivities. Intoxicating good vibes filling the street, and I fall asleep smiling.

 

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